THAT BOY!

 

Embracing his shortcomings, struggling to survive each day, losing a battle long awaited, turning from a beloved to a lover, and losing sight of himself. What was causing him to feel sad every day? He was suffocated to death by his own unconsciousness, like a lost soul in the deadliest forest without the will to find his path. Or was it the fear of the end of his struggle that was scaring him? He himself was unaware.

Every day, he struggled in a different way, but he could not explain it to others as it was all in his mind. No one knew how much pain he had to go through. Once a friend suggested that he consult a psychiatrist, but he was afraid to speak out about his thoughts even to a psychiatrist, given the judgmental world around him. People called him an overthinker, a hypocrite, a dumbass, and more. Everyone around him told him to accept things as they were, but how could he? Without an understanding of it, how could he? He could not understand how everyone else felt so comfortable about accepting things as they were. How could they never feel what he was feeling? Was he the ugly duckling? He grew up with all sorts of questions flooding his mind, thinking that with time, things would become normal, and the pain would go away. He led a miserable life, believing that something was wrong with himself. He never accepted himself as a normal person. To him, normal was being ignorant about everything, like others were. Throughout his life, he never realized that normalcy was not a constant. He was chasing a variable, misunderstanding it for a constant.

As a result, he was never actually happy inside, even for a moment. Instead of using the pain to drive himself towards positivity, it made him doubt himself and his existence. He didn't realize that he could control his thoughts or at least give them a desired direction. Rather, he let his thoughts guide him in whichever direction they desired, making him experience the highest of highs and the worst of downs in a flip of an eye. He died a painful death without a single answer to his questions.